i got no ifs and ors, not wits or whats about it

change

2008-08-05T18:10:45Z

i'm so ready for these next few weeks. i just canceled my comcast account because i paid the last bill and a month from now i will be out of this apartment. so strange. in a week john & i are taking a roadtrip (along with his roommate, his girlfriend, john's sister and her boyfriend) to michigan. we're going to ann arbor to see his family/friends for two days then driving up north to the dunes where his mom has a cottage on a lake. it will be blissful. i hope to be mostly packed/moved before we go because i'll be jumping right into orientation when we return. also, my brother john officially moves to boston on friday and he'll be living four blocks away from me in allston. it could not be more excited. i'm curious about this semester, about preparing for LA, about this new house and new roommates. i'll miss where i am now (the location, the memories) but am so ready for something new. and last but not least, john & i have officially been dating for a year (but in reality and non-exclusively, more like two years).

i guess that's it.

a preview

2008-07-28T03:07:20Z

i am home for my brother's wedding (which was last night and sososo perfect and wonderful) and the trip as a whole has been amazing.

i introduce you to john & richard elder. it was a long night.

soon to be sisters.

best night so far.

i cried like a fucking baby.

there will probably be more when i finish my current camera.

pish posh

2008-06-27T16:53:47Z

i have new glasses. rad.
i've been having really fucking weird dreams recently. last night, i was having sex with a girl who had a purple penis. the night before my dad was addicted to meth and i was living out in the middle of nowhere like in the happening.
john & i took cheesy photobooth pictures yesterday in downtown crossing. he's one of the least photogenic people i know but i love them/him anyway.
off to the beach now..

so come over, just be patient and don't worry

2008-06-24T05:25:40Z

i'm hooked on the new coldplay album. yeah? whatever.

current dilemma:
the living plans i had for the fall have been shifted under my feet and another person has entered the picture
a.) keep the huge motherfucking room to myself because i claimed it first, even though it would be cheaper to have an extra person, a person who desperately needs a place to live,
b.) split the room, lose privacy
c.) take another (teeny tiny) room in the house, lose space, save money
d.) move in with john

the first two are out because i just couldn't deal with either of them.

C.) Small Room on Chester St.
- location wise, it makes more sense: close to the T, grocery store, etc.
- $567/mo
- room can be rearranged to fit more
- still small but it's only one semester
- i feel like i'm lying to myself because i kind of already talked myself out of living there. but maybe that's just because i was upset/bitter when i heard about the new plan?

D.) Live with John in Lower Allston
- he talked to his roommate's. they're all fine with it.
- it feels like a dream come true but i have concerns and i feel like i shouldn't do it unless i'm 100%
- then again, it's only a semester
- it's faaaar from the T, work, my friends; this is a pathetic confession, but i feel like since i'd be living with john, i would never leave
- $300ish/mo (!!!)

we've toyed the idea of living together before, just for the one semester before LA and it never felt right because it was all logistics and no emotion. now that i know where he's living and how inconvenient it is, all the right emotions are there but it doesn't make sense anymore.

i don't know if this will make sense to anyone except myself, but i'm trying to think/write about it as much as possible to get a better grasp on it.

also, as i'm trying to grow my hair out to at least one length, i'm thinking about this (minus the blunt bangs):

10 day SA

2008-06-02T04:38:31Z

for those of us who are still active on LJ, here's what's going on in my life.

richard ate shit on his bike. ha.

we have a new dog, pepper, half lab.

we went to the beach for my dad's [65th-eek] birthday.

we camped out.

we made a sick castle, complete with "garden"

we had plenty of mexican food.

pickle flavored raspas.

we got high before SATC

bridesmaid dress

so i'm back at work (ew 6am), but excited that it's now summer.

twothirtyfive @ 2008-05-16T00:30:00

2008-05-16T04:32:17Z

i cannot get over how green boston has gotten over the last week. walking down commonwealth today was breathtaking.

i just dyed my hair. it's more red than i wanted but i'll deal.

i'm going to the cape tomorrow for the first time ever, then home on wednesday for 10 days.

i've been sleeping in, hanging out on rooftops, riding my bike, barbecuing, and getting shitfaced. summer is here.

minor fears

2008-04-16T02:54:37Z

- i love talking to my dad but i hate hearing about the changes he's making around the house (new fence in the backyard, cutting down the dying pecan tree) and how old and slow my dogs are getting. i hate not being home. i'm so excited that the next time i go john will be coming with me for my brother's wedding but at the same time, i need alone time with my friends, with my family and that's not gonna happen. hate that i'm going home for 5 days out of the entire summer. (internship, please let me go longer...)

- my boss called me ditsy today. actually, he was quoting a customer. this happens more than i'd like and it drives up the fucking wall because i'm not a fucking airhead. (right?)

- i made a casserole last night and as i stared down at the huge platter it was in and scooped myself just a corner of it, i realized that i really don't want to end up alone because cooking for one sucks.

in other news, last weekend was fucking epic and i think it will balance out with this weekend because my brother is coming and i just want to do nothing but read on the common with him. i love 'this boy's life' by tobias wolff. i don't remember the last time i enjoyed a book this much. i applied for an internship in the newsroom at WHDH(ABC) and i hate that now i just wait. my back bicycle tire has a leak but i'm too lazy to take it off and patch it up. instead i carry around a little pump and fill it up as i need to.

summer needs to come so people i love will play four square on my street more often.

twothirtyfive @ 2008-04-07T00:30:00

2008-04-07T05:04:35Z

so the play is over. i thought that meant i could take a breather but i'm finding that's not the case.

the other day in studio tv, henry dane (who i've had before and really respect) was talking to a peer about summer internships and said to me "so what are you doing hannah?" i laughed it off like i always do and said i didn't know. he got really serious and said, "you know, you can't keep doing this. last year it was production design, now it's tv. it seems like everything you hear about is a good idea." i was kind of shocked because no one has really told me that before. i always thought it was a good thing that i was bouncing around because i gained experience in so many different areas. but while i'm doing that, there are tons of people who are getting experience in one area so by the time i make up my mind i'll be way behind. thing is, there isn't just ONE THING that i adore. i love lots of things- sign language, technical directing studio tv, building, fuck.
i'd like to think that since i'm actually taking classes for tv it'll be something that sticks but knowing me, probably not.

last night after the show i came home to danny and co sitting on my stoop because they needed to shoot it for campus movie fest. as danny and jon set up lights on the porch, (my) john, ben, zach and i played four square on the sidewalk. my mom sent me a fiesta package so steph and i had a cascarone battle. we ate peanut butter and oreos. then i went to john's where we smoked, watched squid & the whale, and i had a grapefruit and brownies for dinner. and tomorrow i'm going to see tobias wolff read from his new book.

so i guess things are pretty great.

also today we were filming a fight scene for CMF in the north end. three thugs tackle bicycle deliver boy zach off his bike, beat him up, take his shit and jet. so many people thought it was real and eventually the cops came because of reports that 5 guys were beating up one one guy. so i guess it'll look authentic?

wait no.

2008-03-06T03:54:08Z

i hate my new hair.
i am so broke i almost decided not go to LA and instead work over break and give my parents back their money. but i came to my senses. instead i am going to break open (literally) my piggy bank and plan to do nothing but beach in california.
i feel ugly, useless and all around stupid.

total turn around. i'm watching jurassic park 2 till i fall asleep.

exhale

2008-03-05T06:18:47Z

i can finally breathe. i suddenly don't feel the need to be stressed out because i am working with some pretty incredible people on some pretty incredible projects and everyone is just fine. in 4 days (technically) i will be in california with some of my favorite human beings. tomorrow i am getting my hair trimmed. i've decided that i actually do like my new job and the money ain't so bad neither. seeing justin in new york was perfect and i can't wait for the summer. i want to go home for my brother's wedding. i want to turn 21 (goddammit). i want to roadtrip with john. i want to ride my bike again.
i want a lot of things these days. fortunately most of them are attainable.

fickle pickle

2008-01-31T04:32:39Z

today i had an internship interview with john robert powers talent agency. when i first spoke to the owner, i told her i had no idea what i wanted to do with my life so i was open to any position available. well after my meeting with her today i can say that working with them is not it. i'm so tempted to take it just because it's there and i'm afraid if i turn it down in hopes of finding something better, i will find nothing at all. but it isn't paid, i'd pretty much have to buy an entirely new wardrobe and it just isn't my scene. not worth it.

however, at this current moment, working on the new pepsi commercial for the superbowl is/would've been my dream. i'm getting so into sing language and to see it become more of a part of hearing culture (like in the L word and 'there will be blood') it'd be awesome if i could find something like this. this is the first commercial to be aired during the superbowl that deaf people can enjoy.
http://commercial-archive.com/node/142403

twothirtyfive @ 2008-01-16T01:04:00

2008-01-16T07:10:56Z

texas you've been good to me. i'm really pleased with the time i spent with everyone especially my bro jesse who i had a pretty nonexistent relationship with for a while. but alas, i'm getting tired of my dad asking me if i'm bulimic so i guess i'm ready for boston. it scares me though, to not know when i'll be back because i have no idea what i'm doing this summer.
in other news, john and i are going to portland, ME for vday and staying in the swankest INN. i'm slowly realizing that becoming one of those girls in one of those relationships. i'm okay with it.

my house when my parents bought it in '79. still have the lamp.

twothirtyfive @ 2008-01-06T00:45:00

2008-01-06T06:48:28Z

bleh. today was weird. i spent most of my day at my favorite place in texas hiking with my dad and was so happy to be home in texas but then i got home and called steph and she told me that she ran into john at gov't center and was on her way to see mykim and sarah (who is off to LA before i get back) and it just made me all bitter and depressed to be home in texas.
but tomorrow i'm making cookies with my mom so i guess it's all good.

also, my dad is coming to boston soon and i'm so excited to make dinner at my apartment and invite over all of the people i always talk about who he's never met. yes.

i've also been going through old photo albums and can't wait to redecorate my room when i get back.

fear.

2007-12-30T00:52:12Z

last night my dad and i went on a group bike ride and we all rode down to the abandoned drive-in theater. everyone stood around drinking and socializing till it got cold and we decided to ride back to my house for hot chocolate. as we were leaving the theater, there was one of those long poles that run parallel to the ground as a sort of gate. this one was broken, and partly laying on the ground in shadow. my dad ran straight into the pole and crashed his bike, landing on the pole on his ribs. he laid there for a few seconds as i panicked and my eyes seriously welled up with tears. he was fine but as i was imagining all the other possibilities, i realized that no matter how great of shape he's in for his age, my dad is getting old. and that's something i'll never be ready for.
also, i'm afraid that once my brother gets married, our relationship is going to change drastically or begin the dwindle.

also, i'm stressed about spring break already and that's not even fair.
options: LA, costa rica with dad, florida, ann arbor with john??

since when did i start posting so often..

new years resolution

2007-12-28T07:51:07Z

check cnn.com as much as i check perezhilton. seriously it's retarded how much i know about celebrities comapred to irag and shit.

also, i miss my brother john an di love drinkgin with him.

movie moments

2007-12-26T02:35:37Z

this break has been full of perfect (one might even say...PRECIOUS) moments but today topped them all.

devin told everyone about the engagement and there was lots of wedding/baby talk. omgomgomg i'd be a real aunt. christmas was at my dad's, which has never happened before, and food consisted of tamales, frijoles, and bunuelos. FUCK. john & jesse started a jam session on the guitar and piano and my dad joined in on his bongo drum (of course). there was an intense game of basketball between my brothers and nephews involving a pitchfork and trash can lids as shields. the best gifts were multiple disney dvds (holla), some books i've been wanting, and a silver locket from my mom. i opened it and there was a picture of john already inside. i cried (of course). everything has been extremely family oriented and it friggin rocks. pictures soon.

it feels really good to be home after this long.

i want a pig for christmas.

2007-12-23T05:25:40Z

i've been home for three days and this is it so far:

- learned my dad smokes pot. will probably investigate further when john comes home.
- my brother is proposing to his girlfriend christmas eve. i'm supposedly the only one who knows.
- there is an ethiopian man named berhani living in our house. sweetest man ever.
- drumming circle with my mom. realized the only religious belief i have is the golden rule.
- people from highschool are exactly like i remember. only worse.

plans:

- mexico
- enchanted rock
- denton
- austin
- north little rock
- camping?

balance

2007-12-12T05:57:27Z

do you ever look at someone and think, "man, it's a shame you're a girl because you'd make such an attractive guy" (or vice versa).

also, there's a new girl at work and this is what all of her conversation starters begin with:
a.) how her parents ran out on her
b.) her abusive boyfriend who she's going to marry
c.) she was raped as a girl
d.) her grandmother is going to kill herself before christmas
e.) some form of how hot she is
f.) some form of wasted she was the night before

...ok

speaking of work, nashoba brook slow rise bakery & cafe is closing. i didn't realize until i was at our staff meeting tonight looking out onto columbus ave and thinking about how i'd never see that view again, just how much that place means to me. i'm deeply saddened by this.

on a lighter note, i got a very unexpected email from a friend today that was just what i needed. i was so close with him in grade school but after he confessed his undying love for me, we became distant. but in this email he just talked about how much he's changed and how much of an impact i've made on him and it was all very cliche. he referred to someone else as the love of his life which could've been hurtful but i think it was exactly what i needed to stop thinking about what might've been, like i constantly have been for the past three years, and now i can go home to the best friend i had junior year of high school.

i won my first item ever on ebay. boots.

i'm excited to read for pleasure over break because my lit class has really taught me to enjoy books. weird.

i can't wait to ride me bike with my dad and gorge on mexican food and sit on my roof and not wear under armor everyday and see my dogs and my brothers. guh.

RIP

story time

2007-11-26T19:30:35Z

that might be the last thanksgiving i spend in long island with my mom's family. too much pointless bickering. that annoying surrounding however, drove me to the city- a trip i took on the long island railraod on my own, which i was very proud of. upon entering new york city, all of the people i planned on seeing ditched me and the one person i didn't think i'd see, i ended up spending all day with. john & i went to the museum of natural history and spend like, four hours there. it was sick. not very exciting, i just love dioramas. the mystic creatures exhibit was disappointing because it basically just told you why mermaids and unicorns don't exist. all bullshit of course. being there just really made me want to be there this summer even more. need to get on finding an internship.
the ride home was interesting. the ferry from port jeff to CT was gorgeous but then my bus never came. i randomly banded with a group of fellow emersonians, determined to get back to boston. as we were inside the bus station waiting, this dude comes in from the cold and asks to join our little pose. he's a cross between mia's brother and james viggiano. he carries a banjo and is waiting for a bus to nc, en route to washington DC where he attends Catholic U. e is the only person i've ever met that goes to the college my dad went to. he plays music for us. he shows and tells of his many tattoos, including the one on his inner lower lip that reads SKINS from when he was a skinhead in juvi. "but not the nazi kind." he asked if anyone smoked and surprisingly i was the only emerson kid to say yes but his bus came. as he stood up, he shook my hand and gave me the fattest blunt. then he disappeared onto the bus and into the night. i wish i could remember his name because it was fucking weird too.
melissa, that whole experience reminded me of you.

rockport

2007-11-18T19:15:43Z

i adore new england. john & i went to rockport, ma for a night and it was so perfect. we walked around the town which consisted mostly of bakeries and art galleries. and candy stores. then we went to a high school production of robin hood in the town house which. was. horrible. but it was a good time because everyone there knew each other and it was like a movie. we were obviously outsiders but it was fun to pretend we blended in there.

i've missed train rides.

the little town of rockport

gross.

fuck. yes.

2007-11-09T23:32:16Z

i will now be spending my last semester at emerson college in los angeles, california with a lot of people i really enjoy.

now i just need to figure out what i'm doing between now & then. i've been thinking about a communication disorder minor because i lovelovelove my ASL class but i don't know what that would entail. also, i've been wanting to intern in NYC this summer so that by the time i graduate i'll have experience in both NY and LA so i'll have an idea of where i want to end up after college. but adding a minor means extra classes that i'm not sure i have room for which would mean summer school.

so.
?

twothirtyfive @ 2007-10-22T01:14:00

2007-10-22T05:15:26Z

i miss the feeling of san antonio in winter time.
but for now weekend get aways and a long island thanksgiving will do.

.

2007-10-19T05:43:46Z

listening to the cranberries no need to argue really takes me back to being younger and playing with john's xmen figures in his room, the one i was born in. i need to know more about the presidential campaign. i think i'm going to start working on films here.

that's all.

t-rex

2007-09-22T23:05:41Z

one year ago tonight i met a guy who is now my boyfriend. i didn't expect to fall in love with him but now i am the happiest i've ever been.

/gross

twothirtyfive @ 2007-09-15T18:36:00

2007-09-15T22:29:54Z

i can't wait for
fall
mom to come
halloween.

so basically october in general.